Serious Mental Illness: The Stress on Family Members

Serious Mental Illness: Family Concerns

                I have recently been asked to blog about how to deal with serious mental illness, within the family. Many individuals often focus on the struggle of the individual, and seem to be unaware of the struggles for the family. Family members often feel embarrassed, protective, overwhelmed, exhausted, and helpless all at the same time. It is heartbreaking to watch someone we love suffer, and it is also exhausting to care for these individuals. Family members can become resentful toward this individual, feel that they are a burden, and become burnout. Family functions can become a time of stress, and chaos if the individual is in a bad space. I wanted to give some tips to help diminish caregiver fatigue, and assist you with regrouping after interacting with this individual.

1. The toughest part is often dealing with negative behaviors. We often find ourselves saying, “I don’t know why they act that way?” “Why are they doing this to me?” “Why do they have to ruin this event?” This may sound cliché but you need to understand, they are not doing this to you. They often cannot explain their behavior themselves. It is impossible for a rational mind, to understand an irrational behavior. The individual is dealing with diluted thoughts, and is often unable to rationalize their thoughts or actions. They truly may not have a “reason” for their actions, they just act. Understand that they are suffering, and would love to ‘act normal.”
2. Debrief- After dealing with this individual you may feel frustrated, overwhelmed, irritated, etc. Take some time to debrief these thoughts. Why is their behavior bothering you? Find a quiet space to journal, or reflect on your own feelings. Are you angry with them because of their behavior, or are you grieving for other family members. For example, if you have a brother or sister with a serious mental illness, you may become upset about the burden they place on your parents. Instead of being angry at the individual, you can offer to help you parents with daily errands they run for this individual. Understanding your feelings will allow you to take action for healing
3. Learn about their Mental Illness: Education is key for understanding. Take time to learn why this individual is struggling. Research symptoms, and treatments. Learn this individual’s triggers, and warning signs.  This will help you identify when they are becoming ill, and allow you to assist them in seeking help Ask what you can do to assist them during this time. Take time to educate other family members on this information. This will help your family act as a resource for this individual, and reduce caregiver fatigue.
4. Know Your Limits- It is easy to become overwhelmed when interacting with this individual. You must learn your limits. If you can only handle 1 day a week, only agree to 1 day a week. You cannot care for anyone else, if your mental well-being is being affected. It is okay to set boundaries and limits. In fact, it is necessary when interacting with someone who has a serious mental illness. If this individual is someone you must care for daily, you still need to take time to yourself. If you find yourself becoming angry, hurt, or frustrated walk away. Take 15 minutes to regroup, and calm yourself. This can be done using: meditation, exercise, music, prayer, anything that makes you feel relaxed.
5. Spend time with when they are well- In many cases, symptoms wax and wane for individuals. Make sure you spend time with them when they are well. This will help facilitate a bond, and allow you to spend enjoyable time with this individual. This will help diminish feelings of resentment.  This will also help foster feelings of compassion, and endearment.
6. Seek Therapy for YOURSELF- I cannot stress how important it is to seek therapy for yourself.  We do not have the power to change anyone except ourselves. Caring for this individuals often difficult, and mentally draining. Family members often vent frustrations to other family members. This can lead to tension within the family. Having an unbiased person to talk to, can not only assist you with coping, but allow you a safe space to vent these feelings.